The Great and Mighty Coat of Arms. The Great and Mighty Coat of Arms.
Why I'm an Arrogant Bastard.

Prose

Being a bastard is not a matter of pulling a cats tail or obtaining a card, it's a way of life. Bastardism encompasses your whole being. The flick of a pen, a knowledgeable quip or knotting a tie all serve to establish to others your status as an arrogant bastard. As a true bastard it is important to be direct to the point of rudeness. There is no room for waffling in a bastards life. Political correctness is the bastion of the weak. Bastards wield tact with the delicacy of a broadsword and the flair of an elephant avoiding a mouse. There simply is too little precious time to waste debating the absurd.

Every good bastard knows that correct knowledge is power. The ability outmaneuver an opponent in a debate through the use of ones wits is paramount. To muddle around searching for your point is to display your deficiency to every bastard in the place. An unsure bastard knows when to hold his tongue. Similarly, if two bastards are debating, it must be remembered that when the upper hand is gained, the inferior bastard must be put down with an Atillan ruthlessness.

The attainment of Bastarddom is a lifelong journey. From the first moment you realize the monumental stupidity of society in general you begin to sense the true nature of the bastard. How many times do you feel insulted by the efforts of our world to not only accept but even encourage mediocrity. Being a bastard helps to stem the continuing stream of meaningless drivel we are showered with on a daily basis.

The most useful piece of advice we sage bastards can give to one showing promise is: "Don't take things too seriously, it will take you twenty years or more to figure out it's all bullshit." When you understand the true wisdom of these words, you understand what being an arrogant bastard means.

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